2 CAUSES OF ARGUMENTS IN RELATIONSHIPS AND MARRIAGE – Part 1

Relationships are very important and form the integral part of our lives. Man is created to live in a community coupled with different caliber of people from different religious backgrounds, values, expectations and education? 

Over a decade ago, the rate of divorce cases among wedded Christians is not only alarming but disheartening and scaring to the singles who want to marry. Research shows that 79% of divorce cases are as a result of lack of commitment. The second major cause is too much unnecessary arguments. Arguments normally result from differing views as to who, what and which are wrong and right. Arguments are unavoidable in a relationship but without proper moderation, argument can easily ruin and wipe out the relationship or marriage in a flashing moment.

Two critical elements normally fuel arguments in every relationship and marriage.

1  .      Values: These are the basic things you treasure and are very important to you. Ironically, what is important to you may not be important to your partner at all due to your background and training. Most often, no one wants to compromise his or her values for the others values to overrule. If there are some values you should hold dearly in marriage, then it should be the following: 

a.      Both accepting Jesus as Lord and Saviour

It is important to know who is Lord over your spouse. A different Lord and object of worship will surely breed arguments because your partner may not understand and accept your object of worship and some practices.

b.     Respect Each Other Without Reservation

Absence of mutual respect in every relationship is like wild fire triggering small but will consume on a whole. If you are able to respect your partner without any reservation, then you can live with, tolerate and be at peace with each other.

Disrespecting your partner because of weakness, background, race, colour, financial status and other teething problems is like a nagging tooth ache. You cannot chew well until it is pulled out.

c.       Managing Money

Who handles the cheque book? Why are you poking your nose into my personal affairs; how much I earn, spend on what and what? Your values will determine whether you will save money or spend anyhow.

d.     Raising Children

Several factors come to play in raising children in the family. Beliefs and practices, personal values and couples expectation normally shape the life and the nurturing of every child. While the mother wants to raise the children the way her mum did in addition to her personal values, daddy may want something different which may be in sharp contrast with the wife’s values.

It is important to respect your spouse’s value even if it doesn’t make sense to you. Never condemn and sharply criticize your spouse’s values without letting them know the other side of the value you are seeing that doesn’t augur well. If only we can make conscious efforts to understand and respect each other, then arguments will be minimal and geared towards productive activities. 

10 PILLARS OF A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP

If it’s going to work and better for both of you, then the onus lies on both of you to observe certain principles in life. A healthy relationship is not just a wishful relationship being lived in the abstract world but through conscious efforts.

One of the best ways to be happy and be loved is to make someone happy and feel loved and you in turn will receive abundance of such. Pillars are very important in the foundation stages of every building. The stronger the pillar, the stronger the building to withstand every storm and negative pressures against its existence.  

A healthy relationship must not be left to chance and be expecting the best to emanate like magic. If there is anything you can do to touch the softest part of someone, the try these 10 simple pillars each day.

1. LOVE

The Special Feeling That Makes You Feel, All Warm And Wonderful. 

2. RESPECT:

Treating Others As Well As You Would Like To Be Treated.

3. APPRECIATION:

To Be Grateful For All The Good Things Life Has To Offer.

4. HAPPINESS:

The Full Enjoyment of Each Moment, A Smiling Face.

5. FORGIVENESS:

The Ability To Let Things Be Without Anger.

6. SHARING:

The Joy Of Giving Without Thought Of Receiving.

7. HONESTY:

The Quality Of Always Telling The Truth.

8. INTEGRITY:

The Purity Of Doing What’s Right, No Matter What.

9. COMPASSION:

The Essence of Feeling Another’s Pain, While Easing Their Hurt.

10. TRUST and PEACE:

The Reward for Living the 10 Most Important Things."

If there is any additional thing you will do to make your relationship healthy, then go ahead and do them. The little things at times matter than the bigger ones. You should be glued to these list but scan through and find out more pillars that can make your relationship stand the test of time. 

FINDING TRUE LOVE AND HAPPINESS

Each day, many people work hard and harder until they are worn out at their own displeasure all because we are eagerly searching for happiness and true love in life, marriage, work, family and the list goes on. A lot more have done so many things even against their own wish and to their own displeasure in the name of finding happiness and fulfilment in life. 

Unfortunately, we do all these things but the situations aren’t getting better and frustration turns to stare us in the face. The question is how then do we become happy in life? How do we find happiness in our relationships, marriage and life?

One day, a group of 50 people attended a seminar about finding happiness in life. When the auditorium was full to its capacity, the speaker appeared on stage and could read the high expectation on the faces of the participants. He could see a lot of unhappy people who seemed worthy and achievers in life but there was a missing element of happiness in their life. 

Suddenly, the speaker stopped and decided to do a group activity. He started giving each one a balloon. Each one was asked to write his/her name on it using a marker pen. Then all the balloons were collected and put in another room.

Now these delegates were let in that room and asked to find the balloons which had their names written on them within 5 minutes. Everyone was frantically searching for their name, colliding with each other, pushing around others and there was utter chaos. At the end of 5 minutes no one could find their own balloon.

Now each one was asked to randomly collect a balloon and give it to the person whose name was written on it. Within minutes everyone had their own balloon.

“This is exactly what happens in our life”, the speaker began to talk. “You were all very eager and desperate to find your own balloon causing stampede and chaos to other people. The search for your own balloon or happiness rather causes discomfort to other people but when we seek the happiness of others, we in turn receive true love, happiness and all the good things that we desire”.

“It is not enough to fall in love. Much is required of you to ensure that you give true love even if the situation is not as you expected it. A man can only receive and reap what he has given and sowed respectively”, the speaker concluded shortly.

Today, there are a lot of people who are not happy and feel unloved all because they are always expecting their partners to show them the most sizzling and unconditional love when they are rather not sowing the seed of love and happiness.

Do not be deceived, a man can only reap what he has sown. Let’s give out love and receive love! Let’s make other people happy and receive happiness back in life. 

BELIEVE THE BEST IN PEOPLE

It is very easy for someone to believe in you when you succeed in life; but the one that believed in you first before you succeeded is greatest of all to have seen what others did not see from the beginning --- Arch Bishop Duncan Williams.

Many women have left their boyfriends and fiancés because they could not simply believe in their capabilities. This great doubt created uncertainties in their minds and heart about their security in the future. As a result, many of these women slip through the exit way and rush into the arms of other men they felt secured with. 

Many of the great men the world has ever produced were first rejected and despised by both men and women. They found their ideas very weird and strange to be achieved. These men were most of the times left alone trying and trying their ideas to work. Many women hate such type of genius men. Women want men who will always be around them, talk to them and make them smile and happy.

In fact, it is very easy to believe in someone and embrace their ideas when they have succeeded in life. On the other hand, people find difficult to see the greatness in you carry in your mind when you are a “nobody” today.

Let’s believe in the capabilities of people and encourage them. 

YOUR CHOICE OF LOVE

BOYS marry for sex and passion but MEN marry for purpose and companionship. Your Purpose should determine the kind of person you fall in love with but not shape and looks. Love is not a feeling you feel when you feel that you are feeling a feeling you have never felt before; it is rather a choice you make. Anyone you make the choice to love and live with has the lifting factor or a great limiting factor upon your life. In the year 2014, open your eyes well before you accept that proposal and you guys, not all ladies are meant for a proposal, some of them are disposables who will not take you anywhere. Open your eyes.

MY LADY IS COMING!

It was a wonderful Friday. Dave walked to the office in high spirit with a broad and an infectious smile that signalled good news and lingered long on his face. His colleagues noticed the sharp change in his attitude and started poking their noses into his life to pester him to let out the secret of his happiness. 

"My Pretty Empress has finally accepted my proposal", he revealed. "She is coming to visit me tomorrow and I can't wait to receive her. Tomorrow seems like a whole month for me", Dave added as his friends cheered him up and wished him well in love.

“My lady is coming! I have to leave now and pass by the mall to do some shopping”, he said to his friends as he started the ignition of his car and drove off the scene. The D-day finally came and it was a somewhat story. Her visit was without much happiness and a bit boring.

“So is that all?” the lady asked Dave. “You called several times wanting to see me but nothing was discussed, little laughter and a little achieved”, she said as she was leaving. The smile on Dave’s face disappeared at once.

In his sober reflections, he realized that he did not plan and prepare enough to make the visit a memorable one. 

Today, we are all like Dave and the beautiful lady is the YEAR 2014. We are all expecting the year 2014 with much happiness and expectation. It is not enough to meet it. Those who plan now can make the most out of it with testimonies and achievements. If you do some lazy thinking and planning like Dave, you will be disappointed. The lady (YEAR 2014) will leave you and the little smiles on your face will disappear at once.

Good Morning! 

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