Well, I chanced on this article and I found wisdom in it. I recommend you all read it to avoid some petty avoidable mistakes in relationships and marriages. Enjoy your reading...
A lot of people have the idea that it’s very difficult to end up with the right person in marriage; even I, myself used to think along that line until my eyes were opened to the reality I’m about to share with you.
The truth about making the right choice of a partner in marriage is that it is actually easy, but a lot of us are often caught up in the excitement that come with our relationships that we forget to evaluate and access our partner properly before making the ultimate decision. When you ignore what is right and in the interest of tomorrow because of the thrills of today, regret and disappointment are what usually follow.
As a young person in a relationship you hope will lead up to marriage, your choice of who to marry must be made with the following in mind…
1. DO NOT MARRY POTENTIAL
Oftentimes, men consider marrying a woman hoping she never changes while a woman considers marrying a man she hopes she can change. This is the wrong approach on both accounts. Don’t assume that you can change a person after you’re married to them or that they will reach their potential. There is no guarantee, after all, that those changes will be for the better. In fact, it’s often for the worse. If you can’t accept someone or imagine living with them as they are then don’t marry them. These differences can include a number of things such as ideological or practical differences in religion, habits, hygiene, communication skills, etc.
2. PRIORITIZE CHARACTER OVER CHEMISTRY
While chemistry and attraction are no doubt important, character precedes them both. A famous quote goes, “Chemistry ignites the fire, but character keeps it burning.” Of course, love is important, but the idea of falling “in love” should never be the sole reason for marrying someone; it is very easy to confuse infatuation and lust for love. The most important character traits to look for include humility, kindness, responsibility, & happiness.
3. AVOID ANY FORM OF EMOTIONAL DISCONNECT
There are four questions that you must answer YES to;
i. Do I respect and admire this person? What specifically do I respect and admire about this person?
ii. Do I trust this person? Can I rely on this person? Do I trust his judgement? Do I trust his word? Can I believe what he says?
iii. Do I feel Safe? Do I feel emotionally safe with this person? Can I be vulnerable?
iv. Can I be myself? Can I be open? Can I express myself?
v. Do I feel calm and at peace with this person?
If the answer is “I don’t know, I’m not sure, etc.” keep evaluating until you know for sure and truly understand how you feel. If you don’t feel safe now, you won’t feel safe when you are married. If you do not trust now, that probably won’t change when you are married!
4. DO NOT IGNORE YOUR OWN EMOTIONAL INSECURITIES
Choosing someone you don’t feel safe with emotionally is not a good recipe for a long-lasting and loving marriage. Feeling emotionally safe is the foundation of a strong and healthy marriage. When you don’t feel safe, you can’t express your feelings and opinions. Learn how to identify whether you are in an abusive relationship. If you feel you always have to monitor what you say, if you are with someone and you feel you can’t really express yourself and are always walking on eggshells, then it’s very likely you are in an abusive relationship which is potentially leading to a wrong marriage in all standards.
5. BEWARE OF LACK OF OPENNESS IN YOUR PARTNER
Many couples make the mistake of not putting everything on the table for discussion from the onset. Ask yourself, “What do I need to know to be absolutely certain I want to marry this person?” “What bothers me about this person or the relationship?” It’s very important to identify what’s bothering you, things that concern you, and things you are afraid to bring up for discussion. Then you must have an honest discussion about them. This is a great way to test the strength of your relationship. Bringing up issues when there’s conflict is a great opportunity to really evaluate how well you communicate, negotiate, and work together as a team. When people get into power struggle and blame each other, it’s an indication they don’t work well as a team. Also important is being vulnerable around each other. Ask deep questions of each other and see how your partner responds. How do they handle it? Are they defensive? Do they attack? Do they withdraw? Do they get annoyed? Do they blame you? Do they ignore it? Do they hide or rationalize it?
Don’t just listen to what they say but watch for how they say it!
I assure you, if all of these are thoroughly considered before marriage, everyone would end up where (with whom) they truly want to, and there’d be far lesser cases of broken marriage.
Credit: Elcrema
